17 January 2008 One Comment Print This Post  Email This Post

In the next week, my boyfriend celebrates his birthday, as does my favorite cousin, an uncle and two of my college friends. I’m having a bit of a dilemma trying to decide what I should do to acknowledge their birthdays.

In grade school, I remember doing something for everyone’s birthday. We all had birthday parties, and each one of our friends brought around a new toy. I know we did something to celebrate most relatives’ birthdays as well, at least as far as first cousins. But my parents handled all the details, from remembering dates out to deciding on presents. And, for my dad, at least, it was a simple decision. If you were family, you got a present — even if he had to ship it half way across the country.

But, as much as I enjoy giving gifts, I don’t necessarily feel the need to do so in all cases. My friends and I, for instance, don’t really exchange gifts. If we’re in the same area, we might go out to dinner or do something to celebrate, but, in most cases, an email or Facebook message seems to be an acceptable acknowledgement.

For family, it’s more complex. My close family — parents, siblings, grandparents — get gifts. In fact, I thoroughly enjoy hunting down that perfect present, especially because I know that they’ll appreciate it. But, for most of my cousins, aunts and uncles, I don’t really feel any sort of obligation to pass out presents. For the most part, we’ve all fallen out of the habit of sending around gifts, except for a holiday gift exchange.

I’ve crunched some numbers. That habit of Dad’s, of buying a present for every birthday, must have been expensive. Beyond what I consider close family, we’re talking about close to 25 relatives when you add in spouses and children. Assuming that he limited himself to $20 per gift — which he never did — we’re talking about $500 per year. And he did the full family for Hanukkah as well.

I love my family, but I honestly don’t see the need to spend quite that much on them. I think other things are more important — like calling my grandmother every couple of days just to chat, or writing letters to my great-aunt on a regular basis.

How much do you think is appropriate to routinely spend on family? And don’t forget those gifts beyond birthdays, like when little Susie is fundraising to go on her class trip, or when little Johnny is confirmed, bar mitzvahed, or otherwise completes an important tradition!